Why won't my sideburns grow back?
'Nuff said.
Things I Don't Understand (Vol. 4)
Stupid Sideburns
Check.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
Things I Don't Understand (Volume Three)
Spoons. The word alone sounds confusing. Spoons have to be close to the top of my list of things I don't understand. Chances are that you don't agree, or that you don't understand why I don't understand. Honestly, I don't understand why you don't understand why I don't understand. But I'll save that for volume seven.
Imagine yourself sitting at the breakfast table, staring down at your breakfast bowl full of delicious [Insert Favorite Cereal Here]. It's a beautiful morning, the sun is shing, the birds are chirping, and your stomach growls for food. You grab a spoon from the cupboard and HAVE AT IT! But eventually, you get down to the cereal that you can't catch with your spoon. You chase the cereal around the bowl, but your spoon is useless against the agility of your cereal! Here's a protip. Put the spoon down, and slurp dat cereal up! Your spoon is doing you no good against your delicious enemy! Just go all out put the bowl to your lips, milk dribbling down your chin like a waterfall of champions.
A bit dramatic? I just like proving a point.
Next scenario. You are washing your breakfast ware in the sink. Breakfast is over, and you still have a bit of milk dangling from your chin, but do you care? Not a bit. You have a beautiful day to look forward to. You rinse your bowl, desposing of the remaining milk (you milk wasters) and put your spoon under the water. The only problem is, the spoon doesn't want to obey the natural laws of kitchen physics. When you spray water on a spoon, it sprays it right back! Your shirt is wet, your spoon is laughing at you, your day just got a lot worse.
Stick with me. We're not done yet.
You're at school, trying to open your locker. It's a somewhat pretty day now, you're a bit frustrated at the fact that spoons are jerks (I don't blame you) when all of the sudden, you feel something sliding across the front of your neck. The cold plastic runs chills down your back and you know exactly what just happend. You were assassinated. If you have ever played the Assassin game, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Spoons are not only the main weapon in this game, but they are FINALLY viewed as the enemy.
Thank God we have forks around.
Things I Don't Understand (Vol. 3)
Spoons
Check.
Imagine yourself sitting at the breakfast table, staring down at your breakfast bowl full of delicious [Insert Favorite Cereal Here]. It's a beautiful morning, the sun is shing, the birds are chirping, and your stomach growls for food. You grab a spoon from the cupboard and HAVE AT IT! But eventually, you get down to the cereal that you can't catch with your spoon. You chase the cereal around the bowl, but your spoon is useless against the agility of your cereal! Here's a protip. Put the spoon down, and slurp dat cereal up! Your spoon is doing you no good against your delicious enemy! Just go all out put the bowl to your lips, milk dribbling down your chin like a waterfall of champions.
A bit dramatic? I just like proving a point.
Next scenario. You are washing your breakfast ware in the sink. Breakfast is over, and you still have a bit of milk dangling from your chin, but do you care? Not a bit. You have a beautiful day to look forward to. You rinse your bowl, desposing of the remaining milk (you milk wasters) and put your spoon under the water. The only problem is, the spoon doesn't want to obey the natural laws of kitchen physics. When you spray water on a spoon, it sprays it right back! Your shirt is wet, your spoon is laughing at you, your day just got a lot worse.
Stick with me. We're not done yet.
You're at school, trying to open your locker. It's a somewhat pretty day now, you're a bit frustrated at the fact that spoons are jerks (I don't blame you) when all of the sudden, you feel something sliding across the front of your neck. The cold plastic runs chills down your back and you know exactly what just happend. You were assassinated. If you have ever played the Assassin game, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Spoons are not only the main weapon in this game, but they are FINALLY viewed as the enemy.
Thank God we have forks around.
Things I Don't Understand (Vol. 3)
Spoons
Check.
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